


Walking The Tightrope

by TaeyongsPoorHair



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Acrobat Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Alternate Universe - Circus, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Circus, Coming of Age, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Inspired by Madagascar 2, Inspired by The Greatest Showman (2017), Light Angst, M/M, Self-Acceptance, Showman Taeyong, Small Town Boy Mark Lee, Small Towns, Strangers, Strangers to Lovers, Tigers, Tightropes, Trapeze, and all the magic a circus can bring, but not between Mark and Hyuck, corde lisse, finding happiness, finding yourself, parents can suck at times, sixth toe, unsupportive parents
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 00:33:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21244571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaeyongsPoorHair/pseuds/TaeyongsPoorHair
Summary: Mark lived a simple live. He graduated school and was enjoying his summer for as long as he could knowing he'll go to college soon and take over the family business afterwards. Mark thought he was okay with the path his parents chose for him, until they tried to marry him off to a girl he barely knows to secure their financial status.Until he met Donghyuck, the pretty sun-kissed acrobat from the circus staying in their small town for a few weeks, who reminded him that there's more to life than the boring office job his father's planned for him.





	Walking The Tightrope

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Madagascar 2 for the inspiring moment. That movie is just beautiful xD And thank you the Greatest Showman for that awesome soundtrack that made writing this so, so, so much more fun, so if you want to get into the right mood... listen to the movie's soundtrack playlist on spotify xD

Running was useless and cowardly, Mark knew that much but it didn’t stop his feet from carrying him out the door ignoring his mother’s screams, demanding for him to come back. With no destination in mind, Mark ran into the city. _Away_, was all he thought while crossing the streets trying his best not to get run over by a car. 

Deeming himself far away from the house, Mark slowed and steadied his breath. A tight knot was sitting in his stomach and flashes of the fight from earlier kept replaying before his eyes. He hated himself for raising his voice at his mother but he was so sick of the endless discussions and arguments. Mark felt himself drown under the weight of his parents expectations.

His feet came to a halt when he reached the outer area of his town. Mark’s eyes were glued to the colossal tent sitting on the greenfield behind the last few houses. Its tip was towering high, countless red and white stripes ran down to touch the grass beneath it.

He wasn’t sure what pushed Mark forward and why he thought it was acceptable to sneak in while no one was looking, but once inside it was too late to turn back. Mark slowly approached the well-lit manege taking his time to properly see what the inside looked like. Just before he stepped out of the shadows at the entrance, Mark glanced up and stopped when he saw a delicate figure dancing on the tightrope. The boy stepped back and forth to an imaginary beat with such ease, Mark wouldn’t have blinked if he’d just reached out and took off, free from any restrictions. He suppressed the urge to cry out loud though he did step into the light for a foolish second when the acrobat angled his knees and pushed himself from the rope to spin in the air and landed a few feet back. The boy struggled for a moment on the rope and Mark was scared he’d fall before he regained balance and walked back to one end of the rope.

“We’re closed,” he shouted from up there, eyes staring at the shadows Mark was hiding in. 

Mark couldn’t tell how the boy had noticed; he’d seemed so focused it should have been impossible. “Uh, I know, I just- I’m sorry,” he stuttered and stumbled in to the manege to reveal himself to the acrobat. 

A honey filled laugh resounded from the high platform. The boy grabbed one of the corde lisse fixed at the pillar. He wrapped it around his upper arm and tugged at it lightly. Jumping to the side and propelled by inertia the boy circled the manage in the air and Mark couldn't help but stare. His body turned to follow the acrobat in awe as he swirled five feet above his head, slowly approaching the ground and landed in front of Mark with the graze of a cat. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind the audience,” he giggled, amused by Mark’s embarrassment. “So, were you looking for something? Someone?” His voice held a glimmer of hope and eyes shimmered despite the faint light.

“I just. Needed an escape," Mark confessed.

“Bad day?” the boy asked, face soft in the shadows of his different coloured bangs.

“Something like that.”

The acrobat surprisingly didn’t push and merely smiled, so wide his cheeks must've hurt. “I know the perfect place,” he said and grabbed Mark by the hand who didn’t dare to shake off the touch even when pulled towards the pillar and urged to climb a ladder leading up to the hidden platform.

“I hope you’re not afraid of heights,” the boy smiled and picked up a horizontal bar attached to two ropes from one of the hooks. After making sure it was well secured and holding it firmly, he jumped off and swung over to the other side and right back. Mark watched in awe as the boy threw his legs over the bar and let his hands fall as he swung across the tent his hair pulled down by gravity and eyes sparkling full of joy until he lifted his arms to grab the bar and return to Mark, breathing just a bit faster.

“Do you want to try?” he asked.

“Isn’t it dangerous?”

“Oh please, I do it all the time.” He shrugged. “Don’t attempt any tricks if you cherish your legs, though.” He pushed the bar into Mark’s hands, smiling encouragingly.

It was stupid, Mark told himself. Completely crazy, but then he remembered the happiness he’d seen on the other’s face as he flew, not unlike a bird, and couldn’t stop himself from stepping on the edge.

“Hold on tight,” he said. “I’ll catch you when you come back,” the boy promised quietly. Mark took a deep breath and angled his knees, copying what he’d seen before. With his encouraging smile in mind, Mark took off. 

Feet of the ground and flying through the air, Mark felt untouchable. All his worries forgotten in a snap. He gripped on tighter as he swung back gaining in speed and let out a heartfelt laughter resonating through the tent. Not ready to let go of the feeling taking over his body and mind, Mark refused to let go of the bar when he approached the stranger on the platform and swung across the tent once again. And then once more. 

Unused to the surprisingly strength consuming exercise, Mark's arms tired gradually. He was about to ask how to land when the boy said, 

“Ready to come back?” 

“Yes,” Mark asked approaching the boy again. “How do I stop?”

“Easy,” he said and waited for the bar to bring Mark back to the platform.

Mark felt a firm grip around his waist. He let go before he was told to do so.

His legs were shaking, arms aching and knees gave in as soon as he felt the metal under his feet. He broke into a fit of laughter already missing the high. Donghyuck helped him up after his outbreak. They stood closely to each other on the confined by the metal plate under their feet. Mark couldn’t help but notice the mole on his right cheek and the pretty curve of his eyes. The dim lighting on the platform blended his irises and pupils together into a see of darkness that he wouldn't mind drowning in. 

“Haechan, I told you not to practice without the net,” a voice shouted and Mark quickly let go of the hand to steady himself on the railing. The cool metal felt uncomfortable against his skin. “I bet you don’t even have the safety harness on, you- Who’s that?”

Mark dared to peek and found a red-haired man looking up, hands on his hips.

“A friend,” Haechan lied before Mark had time to react. 

“I didn’t know you had friends here.”

“We met yesterday, Taeyong you know I like making friends.” Haechan's innocent smile did things to Mark’s heart, he didn’t appreciate. 

“Come down here. You know what I think of strangers on the rope. It’s dangerous.” Taeyong said and pushed his bright hair back.

The acrobat waved an okay sign and asked Mark to climb down first. They were alone by the time Haechan joined him on the ground.

“Friend is a pretty strong word considering you don’t even know my name,” Mark said still recovering from the exhilarating experience he’d just had. 

“I suppose that’s true,” Haechan smirked. “Care to enlighten me?”

“It’s Mark.”

“Well, nice to meet you, Mark.” A genuine smile curled his lips.

“You lied to me,” Mark noticed after a short moment of silence and pointed up. “It _was_ dangerous.”

Haechan tilted his head and smirked. “I never said it wasn’t.” 

Mark should've been angry at him, you know for endangering him and all, but he'd had too much fun for that thought to even cross his mind. He would've loved to stay a bit longer, talk to Haechan for some but he had to go if he didn’t want his father to burn the city whilst looking for him. “I should go, but thank you...for everything,” Mark said feeling much lighter than before.

“Anytime,” Haechan smiled and then hesitated. “Will I get to see you at the show tonight, or afterwards?” 

The expectancy lingering in Haechan's voice made it painful, impossible even to refuse. 

“When does it end?”

Mark thought Haechan's smile was worth getting into trouble for.

  
  


The music and cheers from inside the chapiteau, as he had learned the circus tent is called, were deafening even from the outside. Mark could only imagine what was happening inside two days later as he waited for the show to end. He didn’t dare to walk in while the audience was leaving and nervously shifted his weight from one foot to another, trying to find the courage he’d felt yesterday to walk in after the last few people had left. 

A male dressed in a loose white shirt, its collar adorned with silver details and tucked into close-fitting deep blue pants exited the tent and eyed Mark. “What are you still doing here? The show ended a good twenty minutes ago,” he said. “Did you lose something, kid?” 

Mark struggled to form a sentence. “I’m looking for Haechan,” he finally said still astonished by the other’s beauty. 

“That boy already made friends?” The pretty stranger wondered, reminding Mark of the red-haired showman. “Hell, that’s fast, even for him.”

Mark didn’t have enough time to worry about the blatant swearing as he was asked to follow him. They walked around the tent and over to the trailers standing farther away and positioned like a small village, leaving a grand, empty circle in the middle. He noticed a group of boys around his age playing around with a unicycle. One of them noticed Mark and his companion and shot him the same indescribable glance he’d received earlier. Mark ignored the furrowed brows and followed the pretty stranger to one of the many colorful homes. 

They climbed the few stairs to the yellow door and Mark waited for him to knock. “You have a visitor,” he said.

“I’m not in the mood for groupies. Leave me alone Ten,” Haechan replied. His voice was dulled by the colored wood between them but Mark felt the annoyance as if the acrobat were standing in front of him. 

“I’m not a groupie,” Mark defended himself, slightly offended and loud enough for Haechan to hear. The sound of something, or someone, falling of the bed carried through the air and soon enough the door opened. 

“You came,” Haechan said, not trusting his eyes.

“Johnny needs my help, but you two have fun,” Ten said and excused himself. 

“My parents were lowkey mad cause I ran away. I couldn’t get out yesterday,” Mark explained sounding almost apologetic and Haechan laughed.

“You’re grounded?”

“Kind of.” Mark felt oddly embarrassed to admit.

“Wow, should I feel honored?” Haechan asked feeling touched and let Mark step in. “You’re defying your parents to see me after all. Or are you just here for another round on the trapeze?”

Mark cringed at the accusation. “Yes,” he said too quickly. “No! I mean, I’m here to see you. And I was grounded, not anymore.” 

“Don’t stress, pretty boy,” Haechan smirked amused and put his arm around Mark’s neck. “But there’s not much to do here, want to go see Lily?”

Mark had to resist the urge to shake the unfamiliar touch off though he couldn’t stop himself from wincing. He also had no clue as to who Lilly was but Haechan was already pushing him towards the door and paid no attention to Mark’s twitch.

Lily turned out to be a three feet tall tiger, or rather tigress and she seemed very interested in Mark. Her yellow eyes seemed to look right into his soul and though he was scared he was also fascinated by the animal. She lost her interest quickly enough and yawned before turning around and lying down in a corner of the cage-like trailer. 

“What are you doing here?” A pink haired individual appeared from behind the wagon and Mark secretly wondered just how many of Haechan's friends were beautiful.

“I’m showing Mark around,” Haechan simply said. “That’s Jaemin,” he then whispered leaning in.

“Nice to meet you.” Jaemin addressed Mark this time. Jaemin squinted a bit when he smiled at him widely. “Can you check the cage for me while you’re here?” He asked Donghyuck, who nodded in reply. “Great! I’ll leave you two then. Don’t get too close,” Jaemin warned Mark. “Taeyong hates it when outsiders come near the animals.” 

Haechan was already on his way to the door on the left before Jaemin disappeared from their view. 

“You’re not going in, right?” Mark said alarmed and terrified when Haechan started playing with the lock. 

The latter laughed and let go of the lock. “I was just checking the door, not opening it.”

Mark breathed out slowly. “Isn’t it scary? To live this close to a tiger?”

“He is in a cage at all times and a sweetheart.”

“So, she’s a he,” Mark said eyeing the tiger again.

“Lily would never hurt anybody unless they deserve it.” Haechan said and reclaimed his spot next to his latest acquaintance. “I’d marry him if I could.”

Mark let out a series of nervous giggles. “You like him that much, huh?”

“You bet I do.” He answered and a sly smile crept on his face. “Jealous?”

“Of a tiger?” Mark asked thoughtful. “That’d be a new low, even for me.”

Silence covered them like a blanket and strangely enough Mark found himself relaxing more and more in Haechan's presence in the faint light provided by a small lantern hanging on the side of the cage.

“Hey, do you want to go back? The trapeze is great but there are so many more things I could show you,” Haechan suggested. 

“Taeyong didn’t seem too ardent by me being up there last time,” Mark argued not wanting to stand at the receiving end of Taeyong’s wrath. He’d never admit it, but the showman was intimidating.

Haechan reached for Mark’s wrist and pulled him past the other trailers towards the tent. “Taeyong worries too much,” he rolled his eyes. “Seriously if he doesn’t stop, he’ll turn grey by thirty.” 

“What was that, Hyuck?” Taeyong’s head popped out of one of the colored windows. Haechan was unfazed. 

I’m just looking out for you,” he said in his defense and rushed farther. “Jae won’t love you if you’re all grey and wrinkly.” They were lucky and out of reach of Taeyong’s grip but near enough to witness someone inside Taeyong’s trailer laugh.

“He’s got a point, you know.”

“Why are you on his side?” The red hair disappeared, hurt by the others comment. 

“Why did he call you Hyuck?” Mark asked, curious about the new nickname. Haechan was still holding his hand and though his skin felt burning hot under the touch Mark didn’t try to free himself from the grip as they walked though much slower now. If only his heart rate would adapt to their pace. 

“It’s short for Donghyuck” he explained. “Haechan’s a stage name.” Haechan–or rather Donghyuck–then said and switched topic. “It’s a shame you didn’t see the show tonight. I was spectacular.”

Mark smiled at the humble statement. “When are you leaving?”

“In about two weeks, why?”

“I’ll make sure to see it at least once.”

Donghyuck stopped to look at Mark. “Is that a promise?”

“It’s a promise.”

  
  


When Mark woke up the next morning he jumped straight out of his bed and rushed to breakfast. His parents eyed him confusedly when he wandered around impatiently waiting for the clock to beat 10. Though Mark had never complained about his daily four-hour lessons during school breaks they’d never seen him get to the door as quickly before to let his tutor enter. 

Little did they know the reason for his excitement wasn’t his hunger for knowledge but the desire to see Donghyuck again and go shopping with him. He had to admit it was only groceries they were going to get, but that didn’t change the fact that Donghyuck had asked Mark to accompany him and show him the “best store in town” as the acrobat had said.

Mark ran down the stairs from his study room on the top floor of their building leaving his tutor behind knowing the older man still had to talk to his mother, who always warned him he’d fall and urged to him slow down but Mark’s feet knew exactly where to step after years of running up and down the dark beech stairs. Just thinking about falling seemed impossible. He was also in a hurry and didn’t want to be any later than he already was all thanks to his tutor. 

“Mark, where are you going?” His mother stepped out of the living room, when he was tying his shoes. 

“Out, I’m meeting a friend.”

The woman narrowed her brows, wrinkling the make-up covered skin of her forehead. “You never go to meet friends.”

“Yes, well there’s a first time for everything,” Mark replied nonchalant and headed for the door. Donghyuck was surely waiting by now.

“Wait, we need to talk, Mark,” she said stopping him from leaving. He already knew what it was about.

“I haven’t changed my mind.” Mark brushed her off and hoped she’d leave it be for the time being; he didn’t want this to end like the last time they talked.

“But if you’d just meet her. She’s a nice girl and you know how much it would help your father.”

“Mom, no.” Mark was tired of her repeating arguments. “I’ll go to college like you want me to, but that’s one thing I’m not willing to give up.” He left and slammed the door shut behind him.

His feet carried him to the place where the circus had settled down on his own. He was too busy wondering why his parents kept forcing the topic of marriage on him to spot Donghyuck waiting only a few feet away from the entrance. When he finally raised his head, he also found two other people passionately engaged in a conversation with Donghyuck.

Who noticed Mark approaching them from the corner of his eye. Donghyuck wondered what had him pulling a long face.

“Hey, are you okay?” Donghyuck asked as soon as he was within reach and placed his hand on Mark’s shoulder.

That seemed to pull him out of his head and Mark almost stumbled over his own feet at the sudden greeting. Donghyuck’s arm fell out of reach. “Of course,” he said overly enthusiastic. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met.” Mark waved his hand awkwardly.

“Taeyong asked me to drag them along, he doesn’t trust them to go alone and frankly I wouldn’t too, hope you don’t mind. That’s Jisung.” Donghyuck pointed at the taller one of the duo. “And Chenle, don’t get too close, he can get very loud,” was his short explanation and introduction. Mark only nodded and mumbled a, “Nice to meet you,” not quite sure how to behave. 

Luckily the two boys stayed behind them on their way to the store leaving Donghyuck and Mark some privacy. 

“How old are they?” Mark asked. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the two boys talking excitedly.

“Fifteen and sixteen,” Donghyuck said and shocked Mark just a little bit.

“They’re so young. Do they go to school?”

“They should, but,” Donghyuck looked ahead thinking whether or not he should tell it and proceeded in a lower tone than before, “Chenle’s an orphan. Taeyong took him in when we were in China and Jisung’s parents kicked him out, so they don’t really have the means to go to school and they’re being home-schooled by Johnny and Taeil.”

“Who would kick out their own child?” Mark felt his heart twist and turn; it didn’t feel right.

“That’s.” Donghyuck sighed, “not my story to tell, ask Jisung if you want to know.”

Mark doubted he’d gather enough courage to ask the boy and that he’d feel comfortable sharing his life story with a stranger. Lost in his thoughts Mark almost missed a turn but Donghyuck didn’t and they ended up in front of the little grocery store shortly after. Donghyuck grabbed one of the baskets and walked through the first aisle filled with all kinds of cereals. Jisung followed his example and Mark wasn’t sure why he felt off.

“That left turn just now.” Mark followed Donghyuck as he looked through the products displayed on the shelves choosing whatever he needed. “You already knew where to go.”

Donghyuck kneeled in front of the jam section. “Do they have any with apricots?” He asked, ignoring Mark’s remark.

Mark only sighed and joined him on the floor. “They’re usually in the back,” he said and pushed aside the strawberry and cherry flavoured ones to give Donghyuck the jam he’d searched for. 

“Why did you ask me to show you the store when you know where it is?” Mark tried again.

Donghyuck smiled. “Maybe I just needed an excuse to see you again.”

That confession caught him off guard and Mark ended up falling backwards; his bottom meeting the cool white tiles. 

“I’m glad I didn’t let you near the tightrope you have no balance, Mark,” Donghyuck laughed at his clumsiness.

“I’m not- I usually,” Mark stuttered and failed to save his dignity. 

Donghyuck thankfully didn’t point out his reddened cheeks saving him at least from that embarrassment and proceeded to look for flour. 

“Is that enough for 20 twenty people?” Mark looked at the half full basket in Donghyuck’s hand though he didn’t know exactly how many people he was working with at the circus. 

“That’s only for me - do they sell any meat here?”

“You don’t cook together?” Mark walked him to the refrigerators and spotted Jisung and Chenle by the sweets arguing over what to chips they should buy. Even though the smell of raw meat made him uncomfortable Mark stood there waiting for the other to make his pick.

“Nah, it’s too much of a hassle and the pay is good enough for us to afford our own meals,” Donghyuck said and inspected the other fridges. “But we do eat dinner together from time to time. Come to think of it, Taeyong’s planning a barbecue the day after tomorrow, want to join us?” 

Startled by the invitation, Mark stood there speechless while Donghyuck picked up three different flavoured yoghurts. “I’m not sure, if that’s a good-”

“Come on, Mark.” Donghyuck closed the fridge door. “It’ll be fun, you could meet everyone.” They headed over to the vegetables. “I’d like you to meet everyone,” he said almost whispering as he looked over the carrots. 

“I’ll see if I can get away from home, but are you sure it’ll be okay?”

Donghyuck smiled with a bunch of tomatoes in his hands. “Of course, I’ll just ask Taeyong to buy enough for one more person.”

All four of them exited the store with several white plastic bags in their hands, even Mark since he had volunteered to help them carry the groceries back. Mark thought the walk back ended way too fast despite his shoulder complaining from the heavy weight he had to carry. Back in his trailer Donghyuck immediately started to unpack and put the heat sensitive food into the fridge. 

“Will you keep standing there till you take root?” Donghyuck joked. It was getting unbearably painful to see Mark still feeling uncomfortable and out of place around him. 

Mark’s eyes widened in shock as he stupidly misunderstood. “No, uh, do you want me to, like, leave?”

The urge to slap himself in the face was twitching in Donghyuck’s fingertips. “No, oh my god,” he groaned. “Just make yourself comfortable until I’m done.”

“Yeah, okay,” Mark said, looked over to Donghyuck’s bed, and hesitated to approach it. His gaze fell onto the table next to the kitchen corner but before Mark could take a step, Donghyuck closed the fridge door shut and walked over to him. He put his hands on Mark’s shoulders and lead him over to the bed to then force him to take a seat. “I said, make yourself _comfortable_,” he repeated and just like that returned to his groceries. 

Mark had to admit the mattress was soft and he would’ve even lied down if there wasn’t a voice whispering reason into his head. This wasn’t his room. He shouldn’t do as he pleased even if he was asked to do so. There were boundaries to respect. That’s what he’d been thaught ever since. But Donghyuck didn’t know any of those boundaries and so when he joined Mark on the bed, he pushed the latter with him forcing him to lie down. He felt the other shift his weight when Donghyuck changed his position to lie on his side and face him. Mark mirrored the acrobat and stared back into his brown eyes. 

“You’re awkward, Mark,” Donghyuck said but there was no spite in his tone, no malicious intent behind it merely an observation but being reminded of his insecurities made Mark move away a bit and lower his gaze. 

“I know,” he whispered. 

“It’s not something bad, though,” Donghyuck confirmed trying to comfort him. “I think it’s cute,” he said and smiled at Mark’s pink cheeks. “You’re cute.”

Mark didn’t know what to reply to that; unable to deal with the compliment he turned on his back and looked up to the ceiling to admire the night sky painted on it. 

“Why’s there a sun?” He asked and pointed at the out of place orange ball sitting opposite a full moon.

“Because, I wanted it there,” Donghyuck voiced and closed his eyes. “And because, even though we can’t see it, the sun’s still there during the night.”

Mark didn’t understand what Donghyuck meant by that but after staring at it for a while he figured the sun didn’t look all that misplaced after all. 

“Do you want to do something? Like, get ice cream or something?” 

“I’ll make sure to take you up on that offer next time, but I feel sleepy,” Donghyuck denied.

“I should go,” Mark said seeing him already drowsing of.

“Stay,” Donghyuck protested, hand around Mark’s arm before he had the chance to get up. “Take a nap, you look like you need it.”

Mark laughed. “Says the one working ungodly hours.”

Donghyuck smiled, eyes still open and let go of Mark as soon as he made lied down. Mark didn’t stay to take a nap but he found out there was something soothing about watching Donghyuck falling asleep.

  
  


Mark’s father was an intimidating man. With a business to run he spent more time than not at the company or in his office at home. To say it was surprising to see him eating lunch with his mother after skipping the day’s lesson would be an understatement. Mark greeted his father and slowly pushed back his chair to sit down. 

“What did you do today?” 

“Late Goryeo dynasty,” Mark said. The half lie slipped so easily from his tongue it should be scaring him. 

“That’s great,” his father replied rather uninterested. “You’ll join me at the company after lunch.”

Mark froze, his knife stuck in the steak before him. He swallowed his protest, though it seemed to burn his throat. “What for?”

“It’s time you start getting familiar with the company, so you’ll be coming over every day after lunch.”

Mark’s hand balled to fists on his lap. “Sure,” he dead panned. He didn’t dare to look up and meet his father’s gaze, didn’t need another fight in front of his mother. 

“Very well.”

Unsurprisingly, Mark didn’t finish his steak. He forced himself to eat at least the brazen potatoes before poking around in his salad. He doubted he’d get to head to the circus that day.

Mark was fairly familiar with the company’s building. He used to play there as a kid. Joke around with his father’s assistant. Get candy from the elderly secretary and hide it from his parents. He loved getting piggyback rides from his father every time he’d run over after school to show off his great grades. All that stopped when he reached fifth grade and found himself in the office yelled at by his father, saying he was a bother and should take his stupid child’s play to the playground. Mark had visited the building only a few times since to bring lunch or a stupidly heavy pile of documents his father had forgotten at home. But never stayed for too long and hurried out of there as if the place harboured some kind of disease. 

“I had a file prepared for you with all our current business partners and deals. Read them, memorize them. You’re a smart boy, shouldn’t have too many troubles with the economical terminology,” his father said as he took a seat in his spacious office. “Mr. Lee will you show you to your office.”

_My office, what a joke_, Mark thought but didn’t show his amusement. “Anything else?” He asked instead. 

“You’re free to go.”

The room, to which his father had referred to as his office, was poorly lit and the grey painted walls made it look all the more depressing. With every passing breath, he wished more and more for the metal shelves to crash over him and maybe break his arm in the process just so he wouldn’t have to stay there for the following three hours. 

Turned out it wasn’t just one file waiting for him to be read but two full, black folders on the old wooden desk. Mark fell into the chair, arms hanging down lifelessly. 

A good two hours later, Mark got a phone call and only picked up after panicking for a hot second. Unnecessarily so, since it was only the new secretary passing him a message. 

“Your father wishes to see you, Sir,” he said and made Mark groan in response after hanging up that is. With a pounding head, he left his modest office and approached the lift to get back to the top floor. 

The chair behind his father’s desk was empty, when Mark finally stepped in. Mark couldn’t not notice the pile of documents flooding the desk. A strange curiosity took over and he picked up one of the inscribed sheets. The effort was in vein though, he couldn’t put sense to the words even if he wanted to. Head too tired to look for the meaning of the endless numbers and words in front of him.

“It seems like I’ve finally spiked your interest.” 

Mark flinched and let the sheet fall back to the desk. “I didn’t mean to pry,” he apologize, decidedly ignoring his father’s remark.

“All of this will be yours one day, it’s about time you started prying,” his father said as he sat down. 

“You wanted to see me?”

He locked his hands on the desk before slowly looking up to his son. “The Kim’s are coming back from their vacation. You’re meeting Soyeon tomorrow.”

For the second time that day, Mark froze on the spot, but didn’t shut his mouth this time. “But I told you-”

“I don’t care what you told me, Mark,” his father cut through his protest. “As part of this family, you have a duty to fulfil.”

Mark rolled his fists, digging his nails hard into the skin. “I’m not marrying her,” he repeated himself with a steady voice and a tight feeling in his chest. 

“You don’t have a say in this.” His father turned back to his desks, seemingly through with the conversation. 

Mark faced the door and walked away careful not to stamp his feet.

“Two pm sharp,” his father added, “I expect you to be on your best behaviour.”

Back in his own personal hell, Mark’s head fell to his desk and he allowed himself to hate his life, the earth and, god for five minutes before wiping away the tears from the corners of his eyes and getting back to deciphering the deals his father had made over the course of the years.

Mark debated whether he should tell his father he was leaving or not but decided against it. It was none of his business and the anger from before still hadn’t died down. So, he just ran down the hallways and stairs to get out of the building.

He walked past the church and climbed the stairs leading to the city hall. Didn’t stay for too long but took his time to descend. It was only when he got to his street that he realized he didn’t want to face his parents and so he spun on his heel and walked in the opposite direction. His feet brought him to Donghyuck before his head knew it and so he was staring at the red-white tent once again wondering if he should go look for him or not. 

“Are you looking for Donghyuck?” A timid voice asked him for the side and Mark recognized it quickly. “He’s probably rehearsing for tonight.”

“Thanks,” Mark said and scratched the back of his head. “Jisung, right?”

“Yeah,” he smiled and hobbled over. 

“What happened?” Mark said nodding at the bandaged foot.

“Bad landing,” Jisung shrugged. “It happens and it’s nothing really, but Taeyong won’t let me perform for the next few days. It’s boring when everyone’s busy.”

Something in his stare, or maybe pout, made Mark feel like he needed to protect the injured boy in front of him. “Well, I’m not busy,” he said. “You want to, like, hang out?” Mark proposed hoping he hadn’t done anything to creep the boy out. Luckily nothing else but a shy smile crept on Jisung’s face. 

“Are you hungry?” he then asked.

“So, do you guys often end up with injuries?” Mark happily ate another one of the red straw berries enjoying the nice mood that had settled over time.

Jisung thought about it for a second, his nose scrunching in the process. “I mean accidents are basically in the job description, but Taeyong still gets so worried every single time. Johnny once fell of the horse and he wasn’t allowed to perform for three months even though he was fine after two.” He started fidgeting and the next words came out in a rush. “Taeyong is actually pretty cute when babying one of us. It’s just no fun when you’re in the line of fire.”

Mark swallowed about to reply when Jisung put his hands on the table and breathed out. “How is going to school?” he blurt out, catching Mark of guard.

“It was… something,” he said unsure of what exactly Jisung was expecting. More details, Mark figured seeing the expectant look in his eyes. “Well, there was a lot of people for one. So many that I saw a new face almost weekly three years into high school. The bus ride was suffocating at times especially during summer. And I haven’t really seen any of my classmates since graduation.” Mark said thinking he should maybe contact a few of them some time soon. 

“I think school would be fun. Did you have a lot of friends?” 

A shy laugh made it past his lips. “Not really, Yukhei and I were kind of close but he moved to study abroad,” he admitted embarrassed by his lack of social skills. “Can I ask you something personal?” Mark was aware that he shouldn’t pry but he was curious. Jisung’s nod only encouraged him. “How did you join the circus?”

A nervous chuckle escaped his lips and Jisung’s hand wandered to the top of his head. “Are you sure you want to hear that?”

“You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” Mark made sure he got the point across. 

“No, it’s fine,” Jisung sighed. “My parents were- are lawyers.” 

Mark looked at him wondering what he was supposed to do with that information. 

“And they probably wanted me to follow their footsteps. And I would have gone to law school, but I guess they just couldn’t deal with the embarrassment of having a son who can’t read.” Jisung shrugged as if it wasn’t a big deal but didn’t look up to meet Mark’s eyes.

“You can’t read?” he asked hesitantly.

Jisung shook his head. “I can read, I just have troubles with it. It’s weird honestly, Taeil said something about a learning disorder and something about my brain halves but I don’t remember much. I just know that when I read, I mix up letters.”

“And your parents they-”

“They thought it was easier to lock me up and ignore my problem instead of trying to help me.” Another nonchalant shrug and Mark wondered how he managed to talk about all of this without losing his poise. 

“Donghyuck said.” Mark had to swallow hard, voice shaky when he continued. “He said they kicked you out.”

Jisung smiled, though it was of sad nature. “I don’t know about that, but they didn’t stop me when I left.” Mark’s hands curled to fists; knuckles painted white as his nails dug into his skin. “It was probably for the best; they didn’t know what to do with me and I… Well, I found my family here. Funny where life takes you, right?” 

“Have you seen them since?” Mark started playing with the left over leaves of the strawberries they’d eaten.

“I stood at their porch, but never gathered the courage to knock.” Jisung tilted his head. “Maybe next year,” he said sounding hopeful. 

“Hey, Park Jisung,” a voice shouted from behind the door and soon enough Chenle plopped in. “Taeil’s waiting for you to change your- Oh, you’re here?” His eyes widened at the sight of Mark. 

“Yeah, I was just-”

“Looking for Haechan?” Chenle finished his sentence with a knowing smile. “He’s on his way to the cages, cleaning duty,” he explained and stole a strawberry from the half empty bowl. “Hurry, Taeil doesn’t have all day.” Jisung was forced up and stumbled when Chenle energetically walked over to the open door. 

Mark was suddenly left all alone in the colourful wagon. There was no use in sitting around, so he quickly disposed of the leftovers and headed to the cages. Music resounded from inside the tent where he supposed rehearsals were still going on. Though Chenle had said Donghyuck would be at the cages he couldn’t spot the sun kissed acrobat anywhere near them. He passed Lily’s cage. He eyed the water tank in another one and the climbing frame in the third one before trying his luck at the horse stables.

He found Donghyuck in front of a pushcart, shovelling old hay onto it. Humming an unknown melody, he didn’t notice Mark’s arrival until the latter cleared his throat and Donghyuck turned, startled by the unexpected sound.

“You’re here,” Donghyuck mused leaning onto his shovel. 

“Yeah, I didn’t feel like going home,” Mark said. “Do you need help?”

“I’m flattered you chose me over your friends, once again might I add,” Donghyuck sounded delighted and Mark hoped his bangs had grown long enough to cover his flushed cheeks.

“Do you need any help with that?” Mark repeated himself in a much lower tone still recovering from his embarrassment.

“Sure, grab a shovel outside, pretty boy,” Donghyuck smiled and returned to the hay. 

Shovelling hay and horse excreta with the sound of Donghyuck’s lovely voice breaking the silence from time to time put an end to Mark’s headache and banned his father from his mind. He was sweaty and gross by the time they filled all the cages with fresh hay and had replaced the water in the tank for the sea lion as he learned the circus owned. Donghyuck seemed to be in a similar state when he fell to the ground next to where Mark was sitting. 

“I hate cleaning duty,” he said. “It’s exhausting.”

“Why do you do it alone then?” Mark laughed. His every limb was aching from the exercise.

“Well, I usually tag Jeno or Jaemin along but they needed to get something from the store in town and dumped me. I think Jaemin was out of coffee, he was so antsy. Though that might have been because of what happened with Jisung.” Donghyuck frowned at the memory. “So, what are you always running away from?”

Mark looked away dodging the question. “I’m not running away.”

“You agreed to work yourself sweaty because you have a good heart then?” Donghyuck voiced. “Come on, Mark. If you’re going to use me as a distraction at least tell what you’re avoiding.”

The grass was soft and tickled his hands as stared up at the sky. 

“I deserve that much don’t you think?”

Donghyuck _did_ deserve that much and it wasn’t like Mark didn’t want to tell him. But some things he’d kept inside his head for so long, he wasn’t sure how to let them out. 

“It’s my parents,” he whispered unsure where to start. 

“What about them?”

“We don’t see eye to eye on things and usually it’s fine. I can deal with it. Well could but lately I feel like I’m suffocating.” An odd sense of relieve flood through his chest and Mark let himself fall on his back as he talked about his parents and the family business. Told Donghyuck how he never wanted to step into his father’s shoes and barely managed to get through one day at the office. Shared his love for guitars and the want to play it again. The words just kept going like a river breaking through the dam and Donghyuck silently listened muttering words of comfort and encouragement. 

“Have you tried talking to them?”

“It’s no use. Music was tolerated while I was a child and the few times, I mentioned it always ended bad,” Mark said and remember the cries and screams bouncing of the walls. “I just have to man up and deal with it, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

“No,” Donghyuck disagreed shaking his head violently. “You don’t have to “man” up. It’s your life and your decision how to spend it.”

They fell into silence. Mark reflecting on Donghyuck’s words and trying to sort the conflict between what he wants and he’s expected to want. 

“Why did you leave your home?” he asked quietly. 

Mark had thought about it, especially since he’d learned about Jisung past, but couldn’t find a reason valid enough. He realized he couldn’t have guessed it to save his life when Donghyuck said, “I have six toes.” 

Mark sat up to look at him unable to tell if the other was joking. 

But there was no sign of amusement on Donghyuck’s face, instead he saw the confident facade crumble. “Stop staring at me like I’m a freak,” he said, an unknown vulnerability seeping through his voice. 

“No, no, no.” Mark shook his violently. “I was just- Really? Six toes?” he asked genuinely curious and Donghyuck breathed out. 

“Yes, do you want to see them?”

Of course, Mark wanted to, but only “if you don’t mind?”

Donghyuck smiled before taking of his right shoe and then sock. For the second time now, Mark thought he was being made fun of as he stared at the rather normal looking foot. Until he squeezed his eyes and counted Donghyuck’s toes one by one. He blinked and counted again. There was indeed one toe more than most people had. 

“I’m a pacifist, proudly so, but ask me to touch them and I’ll hurt you,” Donghyuck whispered as he put his socks back on. 

“It looks so normal,” Mark only said. 

“It is,” Donghyuck replied. “It’s my normal, but my parents hated it. So much they wanted to cut them off.”

Mark wasn’t surprised. “You didn’t let them.”

“Nah,” he smiled widely. “They’re my toes. The sixth ones are as much part of me as my five fingers.”

Mark played with the grass at his feet, head on his knees. 

“And the same goes for your dreams. Don’t let your parents take them from you, if music is where your happiness lies then fight for it. You don’t owe them anything, certainly not your life.”

A roar in the distance caught his attention and Mark watched in awe as Taeyong lead Lily back into his cage through a maze of grid. 

“You want to go up to the trapeze?” Donghyuck asked lifting the mood and Mark couldn’t resist.

He left later in the evening when Donghyuck couldn’t put off getting ready for the night’s show with a smile curling his lips, messy hair and lots to think about.

Mark walked through the glass door to the coffee shop a little too early. He didn’t mind the few minutes of silence after he’d spend all morning in the noisy factory and desperately memorizing all the facts and details thrown at him all at once. He sighed as he fell onto the chair waiting for Soyeon to appear. 

Not one minute too late, she walked through the door. 

Soyeon wasn’t the prettiest girl Mark had ever seen, he could admit as much, but she carried herself with grace and dignity catching the attention of every present soul. With kind smile on her lips, she sat down. 

“It’s been ages since I last saw you,” she said. “How have you been?”

Mark thought back to the business outing they’d been dragged to. He’d never understood why his mother had insisted he dance with Soyeon for a great part of the evening. 

It made sense now. 

“Great. I just graduated,” Mark said.

“Really? Wow, you’re so lucky. I can’t wait to be done with school,” she laughed and took a few glances at the menu. Soyeon made it surprisingly easy to keep the conversation going as she went on talking about her most and least favourite teachers and subjects. It didn’t take long for Mark to realize, she enjoyed most of her time in school despite stating otherwise. 

“So, you’re going to college after summer break?” Soyeon brought the coffee cup to her lips. “I heard you’re to take over the family business.” 

“Yes, that’s the plan,” Mark replied not eager to talk about his future with her.

“You don’t seem very thrilled about that.” The thing with Soyeon was that despite her comforting stares and nice voice, Mark didn’t know how much he really could tell her without the risk of it backfiring.

“Well, it’s not exactly what I would choose,” Mark admitted carefully choosing his words, “but it’s what my parents-”

“Your parents want you to do,” Soyeon finished his sentence and lowered her gaze. “We have a duty to fulfil, right?”

She forced a smile onto her face and for a second Mark saw himself in her. “Right,” he agreed and swallowed hard. 

The bell over the door rang announcing new customers, neither Mark nor Soyeon paid it any attention until he saw a familiar red head in the corner of his eyes. Mark sunk into his seats in horror as he watched Taeyong walk over to the counter closely followed by Donghyuck. He was aware of the confused stares Soyeon threw him but there were more pressing matters at hand. Like the fact that Donghyuck had just glanced over the crowd and spotted Mark. Donghyuck, being Donghyuck, rushed over leaving Taeyong to himself. 

“Hey, what a coincidences, who would have thought, you actually have a social life.”

“Is that you’re friend, Mark?” Soyeon smiled, one brow up and irritated.

“Yeah, I’m Lee Donghyuck from the circus,” he introduced himself. “And you are?”

“Soyeon, Mark’s soon to be fiancée, if all goes well. I hope we’ll get along” Soyeon said and shook Donghyuck’s hand.

Mark froze. 

They hadn’t mentioned the marriage yet, why would she bring it up in front of him. 

“Oh, I didn’t know you were-”

Mark didn’t dare to look up. Didn’t dare to face him just yet. 

“Well, it is quiet new to be honest,” Soyeon said hesitantly. Mark felt her eyes watching him closely. 

“I hope everything works out for you two, then. Have fun on your, uh, date,” Donghyuck voiced and Mark almost cringed. He watched him walk back to Taeyong and Mark and thought he was a coward watching him walk away with several drinks in his hands instead of running after him.

  
  


Going to sleep was impossible. Mark rolled over for the tenth time within five minutes and decided to get himself a glass of water. He passed his father’s office, acknowledged the lights shining through underneath the door but silently passed it. He wasn’t in the mood for another lecture about his responsibilities. The kitchen was dark and empty. With a glass of cold juice Mark sat down by the table trying to calm his mind.

But the thoughts kept flooding his head and Mark found himself wondering once again what Donghyuck was doing. Had he followed his invitation and went to the barbecue as promised, he’d have an answer to all his questions, Mark knew that, he also knew he wasn’t ready to have that conversation just yet. He’d go tomorrow, Mark told himself and finished his juice. 

Except he didn’t.

Mark’s feet ran cold as soon as the red-and-white-striped tent came into view. Suddenly remembering his mother’s favourite flowers were in season, he turned left to the town’s flower shop. 

The following day, Mark was asked to help his father in the factory and by the time he clocked out there was no time left to go see Donghyuck before the night’s show.

The third day, a Saturday, didn’t give Mark any more excuses to avoid the circus, so after waking up early from another night of restless sleep, he headed to the edge of the town. Mark wasn’t surprised to see the site empty and quiet except for the occasional cries coming from the cages.

He felt like an intruder of the peaceful scene and even though he was wary of his surroundings he still flinched when the door of the trailer he was passing flew open. Taeyong looked as startled as Mark was, his hair still messy and a green shirt lazy hanging of his shoulders. 

“Mark was it?”

“Uh, hi,” Mark mumbled, intimidated under Taeyong’s gaze.

“Here, to see Donghyuck?” he asked and Mark regretted coming here once again. 

“It’s been a while.”

“It has,” Taeyong agreed never breaking eye contact. He sighed. “I don’t know what happened and it’s none of my business, but don’t hurt him,” he pled, the_ or you’ll regret it_ lingering in the air between them.

Mark only nodded not trusting his voice to form a proper sentence. 

“I have to feed the little ones, have fun you two,” Taeyong smiled faintly. 

“Yes, thanks.” Mark set out for Donghyuck’s.

Standing at the yellow-painted door, Mark hesitated again. He couldn’t be sure Donghyuck was up yet. He could still be resting after his performance last night. It would be rude to wake him so early. Mark was ready to leave, promising himself to come back around lunch but the door opened before he could turn around.

The blond boy stopped buttoning his shirt with the one free hand and focused his attention on Mark. 

“You’re that guy, right? Mark, or something?” he asked, one brow raised. “What are you doing here?”

Donghyuck’s voice, sweet and sleepy, beat Mark to it, as he wondered, “Who is it, Jeno?”

“It’s Mark,” Mark said in Jeno’s stead and wished to be anywhere but in front of the boy with the piercing gaze. Donghyuck soon enough stumbled his way to door dressed in a shirt similar to Jeno’s. 

“Didn’t know you’d show up,” Donghyuck said and quickly added “today.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Jeno whispered and looked at him. There was so much care and fondness in his look. Mark wondered if it was friendship they shared or a deeper bond.

“I’ll be fine,” Donghyuck smiled reassuringly and leaned against the door. 

Jeno ruffled his hair. “Well, the fondue last night was great, Hyuck,” he smiled in response, his eyes forming two crescent moons. Donghyuck blushed as the blond boy walked past him.

Only after hearing Donghyuck clearing his throat had Mark realized he’d stepped aside to let Mark enter. Not much had changed since Mark had watched Donghyuck fall asleep that time. His bed was undone and harboured a second blanket. The dining table was full of empty shot glasses and bottles similar to the ones standing in his father’s bar.

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Donghyuck murmured and hurriedly tried to fold his blankets, even tossed a pair of pants under the bed. 

“It’s fine, I’m sorry I should’ve…” Mark said but felt stupid. Do what, warn him? How? He didn’t know if Donghyuck had a phone and wasn’t sure he’d be allowed to use the one at home. “Was there a special occasion?” He nodded at the bottles, wondering how many had been emptied by Donghyuck.

“Well, yeah, uh Jisung was allowed to perform again last night, so.” The lie left his mouth so easily, Mark seemed to buy it, but he narrowed his eyes. 

“You let Jisung drink?” he asked, voice full of disbelieve. 

“No, are you crazy,” Donghyuck said defending himself and his friends. “Okay, maybe one shot, please don’t tell Taeyong. He’ll have my head and feed it to Lily,” he confessed, eyes pleading to cooperate. 

“I don’t know, that certainly sounds like a good show to watch, don’t you think?” Mark mused, a teasing spark in his eyes. 

“I can’t believe you’d rat me out for a good laugh,” Donghyuck gasped but couldn’t hold back his laughter and for a moment, Mark thought maybe they didn’t need to talk about what happened. Maybe there was nothing wrong and that’s why things seemed so normal, but his curiosity always got the best of him.

“So, Jeno and- Well, you two…Do you two fondue?” Mark stumbled over his words. Embarrassed by his choice of those very same words, Mark’s cheeks flushed red.

Donghyuck raised one eyebrow trying to decipher what exactly he was being asked. “Do you want to know if we cooked together or hooked up, I’m not really sure.”

“I mean, like, are you two a thing?” Mark suddenly wasn’t so sure he wanted to hear an answer and was relieved to be met with silence until he saw Donghyuck’s face fall.

“That’s not fair. It’s really not fair, Mark. You don’t get to ask me about my love life when you never bothered mentioning the fact that you’re engaged.”

There it was. The proof that despite everything something _was_ off. That Donghyuck did mind Mark’s secrecy and wouldn’t let it slide this time. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark said at a loss of words. “I should’ve told you, just please let me explain-”

“But there’s nothing to explain,” Donghyuck sat down on one of the chairs, looking unexplainably tired. “You were seeing someone; I didn’t know and now you’re engaged.”

“Stop it.” Mark’s voice came out louder than he intended. “I’m _not_ engaged, so stop saying I am.”

“Following the way, she said it, you basically are.”

“Well yes, okay, but ignore what Soyeon said just listen to me,” Mark begged once again for a chance to explain himself.

“No,” Donghyuck opposed. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say, this is stupid.” He put his elbows on the table to his head with his hands, before pushing his hair back. “_I’m_ stupid. I shouldn’t have assumed, I just thought,” Donghyuck bit his tongue. “It doesn’t matter, you’re engaged.”

“You’re getting this all wrong.” Mark approached the table hoping the proximity would make it easier to get through to him. 

“Can you please leave?” The sudden request knocked all air out of Mark’s lungs. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now, my head’s killing me.”

“And I don’t want to marry her,” Mark blurt out desperate to make things right again. “We’re not a couple, I’ve met her a grand total of four times and I don’t love her. I won’t ever love her, because-” Mark hesitated. It was one thing to acknowledge something that made you different from most people you know. Another to accept that part of you. But to say it out loud would make it real and seal the deal. He could turn around now and follow Donghyuck’s requested, maybe even forget about everything in a few years. Forget about the freedom he felt up on the trapeze, about the way Donghyuck’s eyes made him feel, warm and fluffy and comfortable. 

He’d be able to spend his life with a person he’ll never really love and who’d never fully understand him. His parents would be proud of him, he’d make them happy.

But what about his own happiness?

He shouldn’t be so selfish, Mark told himself and then he caught hope lingering in Donghyuck’s eyes.

“I don’t like girls,” Mark said under his breath, barely loud enough for Donghyuck to hear. 

The chair landed on the floor before Donghyuck reached Mark, making the boy flinch seconds prior to his lips meeting Donghyuck’s. Their first kiss was messy and Mark didn’t know what to do with his hands. He felt Donghyuck smiled as he tentatively placed them on the latter’s hips. 

“What about Jeno’s fondue?” Mark asked after pulling away trying to keep his breathing steady.

Donghyuck only rolled his eyes. “Shut up,” he said and pressed another kiss onto his lips stealing Mark’s chance to ruin the moment a second time. They stumbled into Donghyuck’s bed and for a moment Mark allowed himself to forget the world outside of the colourful trailer. He’d deal with the consequences another time. 

Half an hour later, Mark was a giggling mess. His arms holding Haechan close to his heart, legs entangled to prevent one another from escaping. 

“So, you’re going to tell me what this whole engagement is about any time soon?” Donghyuck asked, lips red and seemingly out of funny short stories to tell. 

“Way to ruin the mood,” Mark groaned and buried his nose in Donghyuck’s soft hair.

“Come on, you can tell me. I hope you know that.”

Of course, Mark knew. Had known since the first time Donghyuck had smiled at him eyes bright and inviting. But it was easier to keep his problems and concerns buried deep in his heart. It was easier to ignore them than to face them. He’d much rather drown them out with comforting hugs and kisses, but Donghyuck had other plans as he sat up to face Mark properly. Legs crossed, eyes curious, he waited for Mark to get himself together and open up. 

There was no easy way out of this, Mark realized and sighed. “Six months ago,” he began, “my dad landed a deal in China, his biggest one yet and he was ecstatic. Kept talking about how we’d finally extend our business. It would only get better from here he kept saying.” It was bittersweet thinking back to the time, he’d greet his father with a smile on his face every morning, until, “The cargo ship sank and with it 70 million won,” Mark’s voice was but a whisper. “The company’s been struggling ever since and my dad thought a marriage would help us get back on our feet financially.”

Donghyuck was awfully quiet and left Mark to speculate what the look on his face meant. “He wants you to fix his mess? Does he even know you swing the other way?” Donghyuck was fighting his anger, knowing it wouldn’t do them any good. 

“No, of course not.” Mark looked terrified by the thought alone. He shook his head violently to get it out of his head. “It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s what my parents want me to do.”

Donghyuck closed his eyes for a second, not trusting his ears. “And my parents wanted to cut my toes off. Are you telling me that would have been the best thing for me? They know best, because they’re parents, right?” he scoffed, his calm façade crumbling. 

“No, no, that’s not… Not what I meant,” Mark stuttered, regretting his poor choice of words. “It’s different from what happened to you.”

“How is it any different?” Donghyuck rubbed his temples, struggling to find the right way to make Mark see, that it wasn’t so different after all. To make him realize how wrong his view on this whole situation was. “And what is it you want to do? What do _you_ want to do with your life?” he then asked taking a different approach. 

Mark fell quiet, overwhelmed by the question and frowned. It was a simple question, so why was it that he couldn’t form a proper answer. Why did his mind go blank all of a sudden? He looked at Donghyuck helplessly and muttered, “I… I don’t know.” His shoulders fell at the realization. “I don’t know,” Mark repeated. 

Donghyuck reached out for him, placing his hand on his shoulder hoping to give him some kind of comfort. 

“I don’t want to marry Soyeon,” he stated the obvious, trying to keep it together. “I don’t want to go to business school. I don’t want to end up like my father.” A single tear ran down his cheek and Donghyuck moved to put his hands around him as Mark pressed into his side seeking comfort. “I don’t know what to do,” Mark said sniffed. Then once again. By the third time, Donghyuck pressed him closer and ran his hand up and down Mark’s back.

“We’ll figure it out.”

They didn’t figure it out.

After his sudden emotional outburst, Mark found himself dozing off on Donghyuck’s bed and in his arms. He woke up a few hours later. Eyes sticky, he struggled to open them and found Donghyuck at the small kitchen counter cooking something up. He didn’t make it known that he’d woken up already, still drained of his energy and content with watching Donghyuck humming a lovely melody as he chopped onions. 

“Hungry?” Donghyuck asked when he eventually turned to check on Mark not in the least startled by his watching eyes.

He had a few hours left until he was expected to show up for dinner, until then Mark smiled and lost himself in Donghyuck’s eyes as the latter told him about the great struggles Johnny had to go through to convince Ten to leave the horse ranch, he worked at, and join them. 

Mark went to church with his parents the next morning and had to attend a garden party organized by one of his father’s old college friends. The smell of the barbecue only reminded him of the one he had missed because of his foolish fear. Mark tried to talk to the people his age and socialize but gave up soon enough unable to follow their conversations, clueless as to who they were gossiping about. 

The day passed by so slowly, Mark couldn’t get to the car fast enough when his mother asked him to get ready to leave before getting back to gossiping about people, she’d later pretend to be friends with.

He plopped onto one of the chairs in the living room, exhausted by the day’s events. His mother patted him on the back before placing her purse and keys on the table in front of him. Head on his arms, Mark carefully eyed the bunch of keys. He knew the one to the entrance door all too well. He’d used the one to basement a few times, never cared for those to his parents’ bedroom or his father’s office room. The key to the attic on the other hand, was suddenly of great interest. So, he quickly took it off the key ring and hid it in his pockets before his mother returned and hoped she’d overlook the missing key for tonight. 

It was only after making sure his parents were fast asleep, that he snuck up to the ladder leading to the old attic. Mark hadn’t been up there since his parents decided he was too old to be wasting his time and locked his books and other belongings away. The trapdoor fell to the floor with a soft thud and raised the years old dust. A few coughs later Mark switch on his flashlight.

Old furniture and pictures, some of them gifts with no use in their household, others simply out of fashion stood there all over the place covered with a fine layer of dust. He stumbled through the mess until he found the boxes, he’d so carefully filled with years ago. A smaller box with his notebooks stood next to it and soon enough Mark laid eyes on his guitar and almost dropped his light in a rush to get to it. 

It was painfully out of tune, he noticed as Mark played a few of the chords his hands still remembered. There was only so much he could do, sitting on the floor in his parents’ attic, to make it sound how it’s supposed to. Mark didn’t really care. Glad to feel the sting in his fingers when he pressed the strings with too much force. He put it aside to thumb through his notebooks filled with words of his younger self, dreaming of foreign lands and noise filled cities, of adventures and freedom. 

_And what is it you want to do?_ Donghyuck’s question resounded in his ears. _What do you want to do with your life?_

And just like that Mark remembered his dreams and hopes which he’d so carefully tucked away to make his father proud. 

He wanted to see the world.

  
  


Mark woke up sleep deprived and with his guitar safely tucked away under his bed. During breakfast his father told him, they would completely drop the private tutoring and head to the office together with his father for the remaining time of his summer break and though normally that would put Mark in a sour mood, he couldn’t get himself to care and simply nodded before getting back to his fried eggs and bacon.

The office life didn’t suit Mark. It was amazing how often he had to get up and go around in circles tired of sitting on his chair and needing a break from the endless numbers and money transactions. Around noon he went up to ask his father if he wanted to have lunch together but was brushed off with the excuse of being busy, so he spent his lunch break alone in the tiny room. 

“Why didn’t you join the other workers?” Donghyuck asked confusedly when Mark joined him later in the evening. 

He played with the grass at his feet watching Lily quietly drowsing in his cage. “They’re all way older than me and I didn’t want to intrude,” Mark shrugged.

“How do you plan on working there if you don’t want to interact with your colleagues?”

Mark rolled his eyes. “I found my guitar,” he said changing the topic. “It’s weird to be playing again, but I like it.”

Donghyuck smiled, happy Mark decided to bring music back into his life. “Do your parents know?”

“God no,” he laughed. “They’d throw it out the window.”

His face fell. “Hiding it from them isn’t the right way to go,” Donghyuck said. 

“I know, but it’s the only one,” Mark smiled weakly; it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Come on, the tent should be empty by now.” Donghyuck pulled them both onto their feet and didn’t let go off Mark’s hand as he went off, hoping the trapeze would cheer him up.

“Do you want to have lunch together tomorrow?” Donghyuck asked before leaving Mark to himself and getting ready for the show. 

“Aren’t you busy?” Mark hesitated, unwilling to take up any more of his time. 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I was, where’s your company building?” He smiled kindly and pressed a quick kiss onto Mark’s lips after getting the directions and before waving him off. 

Donghyuck held his promise and waited for him around noon on one of the free benches in front of the building. Mark was nervous when approaching him but tried his best to shake of his worries. His father wasn’t there to see him. He couldn’t judge him, was too busy working as always. So, Mark curled his lips onto a smile and nudged Donghyuck to follow him to the small diner on the corner of the street. 

“Did you find any dirty company secrets today?” Donghyuck asked teasingly knowing very well how boring his hours in the office were.

“Business was great two years ago, but I’d hardly call that a dirty secret,” Mark deadpanned, his eyes scanning the menu. Unnecessarily though since he ended up ordering a simple burger while Donghyuck went for ramen.

“You’re not looking hard enough,” Donghyuck argued, mouth full of tasty noodles. 

“Can we not talk about it? I still have four hours to go after this,” Mark groaned at the thought. 

“What do you want to talk about then?”

Mark contemplated for a minute. “I want to travel,” he then said out of nowhere.

Donghyuck tilted his head, brows narrowed in confusion. His questions were answered shortly after. 

“I mean, remember you told me- asked me what I want to do with my life and I didn’t really know. Now, I know. I want to travel, I think,” Mark confessed feeling an odd sense of relieve overflow him. 

“That’s great.” Donghyuck smiled from one ear to another. “It’s a start,” he said, happy to see Mark allowing himself to dream of a future he’d chosen for himself. 

_It’s a start_, Mark agreed. 

Donghyuck came by for lunch again the following day and he left with a “See you later” knowing very well Mark would come to him later for a few hours of peace with Donghyuck, stealing short kisses on his bed or up on the platform hidden in the shadows. 

Mark felt happy going home every night despite the depressing hours he spend at the desk. It didn’t matter though when he found himself in Donghyuck’s warm embrace or late in the night quietly playing melodies on his guitar before tucking it away safely under his bed not caring about unwanted listeners. Mark fell asleep with a smile on his face more often than not. 

On Friday, Mark woke up with a funny feeling torturing his stomach area. It was only when his mother broke the news to him that it finally made sense. Mark didn’t let his feelings show on his face as he listened to his mother’s plans for the evening. Instead he hurried with finishing his breakfast and left the house without his father. 

Mark didn’t want to stay home for dinner. He’d much rather try to cook for Donghyuck and burn his kitchen down than spend an evening with Soyeon and her family pretending to be perfectly content with where his life was going.

“What’s wrong?” Donghyuck asked tired of Mark’s nervous stares. 

The latter swallowed hard, not knowing why it was so difficult to talk. “I’m having dinner with my future in-laws today.”

To that, Donghyuck didn’t answer immediately, only raised his brows. “Okay,” Donghyuck said stretching the word unnecessarily. “So, you won’t stop by tonight?” 

Mark placed his chopsticks next to his bowl, not so hungry anymore. He shook his head silently. 

“Okay,” Donghyuck said again. “I’ll see you tomorrow then?” 

Mark finally met his eyes realizing with relieve he was smiling at him. “Tomorrow,” he promised and finished his noodle soup. 

His father stormed into his office when the clock hit five in the afternoon. Mark winced at the sudden noise, his gaze breaking away from the files laid out in front of him. His father merely told him to quickly pack his things, they couldn’t be late for dinner and then left saying he’d wait in the lobby. With no other choice, Mark did as he was told and cleaned the mess that his desk was to the best of his abilities. He left with a heavy sigh unable to avoid the dinner for much longer.

Mark could feel the stress in the air as soon as he entered. The kitchen help was running around the dining room placing several plates full of salads and sauces on the table. His mother kept moving the pillows from one side of the couch to another and fidgeting with the few family pictures over the fireplace. “Mark, sweetie, please go change, the clothes are on your bed.” His mother asked and so he headed to his room and spent a few minutes more than needed staring at the white button-up-shirt and a matching pair of pants. There was only so much stalling Mark could do without upsetting his parents, so he stripped his clothes letting them fall next to his bed. Bending down to pick them up and fold neatly, Mark glanced under the frame, his eyes widened in horror.

It wasn’t long until, Mark called for his mother while running down the stairs.

“In my room,” he said slightly out of breath, “did you take my guitar?” 

His mother, genuinely confused, shook her head. “I haven’t seen you guitar in years.” 

“I took it,” a voice behind him said. Mark’s shoulders fell as he turned to face his father joining them in the hallway. His mother left him all too quickly. 

“Why?” he asked. “What did I do that you won’t allow that one thing?” 

Unbothered as ever, his father adjusted his tie in the hallway mirror. “Music won’t get you far in life.”

He shouldn’t get mad at his parents. Still, Mark couldn’t keep his hands from curling into fists and whitening his knuckles. “I wasn’t going to become a musician, I just… I just wanted a distraction,” Mark tried to explain himself but failed under the suffocating stares of his parent. 

“You don’t need it.” His father deemed the conversation to be over, as he turned ready to leave Mark alone in the cold hallway. 

“Please give it back,” Mark then begged, lump forming in his throat.

He didn’t get a response; the doorbell rang instead. “Get the door, Mark. We shouldn’t leave our guests waiting,” his father said completely dismissing the plea.

Mark blinked the tears away and washed away the one that had escaped his eyes before turning to the door and greeting his fiancé with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. 

Time slowed down and Mark could have sworn the clock was mocking him every time he looked up to find its hands had barely moved. He ignored Soyeon’s sympathetic looks, knowing very well, it must have been just as hard on her. He quietly ate away not bothering to contribute to the conversation until the topic fell onto the paralyzed boy living across town. “Poor parents, it must be so hard having a kid like that,” his mother said and sipped on her glass of wine. Mark couldn’t hold back a scoff. 

He felt his father’s anger sitting on the opposite end but couldn’t get himself to care. 

“How’s your friend?” Soyeon asked, hoping to lift the mood with an innocent question. “The one from the circus?”

Mark’s father laughed. “My son has no business with those clowns,” he said and Mark could have taken it lightly. He knew for a fact that Chenle and Jisung had a whole number planned out carefully for tonight’s show to entertain children and adults alike in their bright costumes and red wigs, but he couldn’t ignore the degrading, almost spiteful tone, his father had used. 

Mark slapped his hands on the covered table causing both his parents and Soyeon’s to look at him. “Can you, for once, be a decent human being and not put other people down? You don’t know any of them, how is it that you think yourself better than them?” 

For a moment, Mark was shocked at himself. At his words and attitude towards every adult present int the room, but then a sudden sense of relieve overshadowed his fears and Mark was glad he’d stood up for his friends. 

“Go to your room, we’ll talk later.” His fathered said anger seeping through his voice and for once Mark didn’t try to make things right with him and laughed. 

“Have a great night,” Mark smiled and pushed back his chair. It didn’t take him more than a minute to grab his coat off the hat stand and rush into the night.

  
  


Donghyuck wasn’t home, when he arrived at the acrobat’s yellow painted trailer. He’d figured as much seeing how the line in front of the tent was slowly but surely shrinking. Mark let himself in with the spare key he found under the flowerpot decorating the entrance. 

He buried himself in Donghyuck’s blankets and pillows inhaling the other’s smell and finally letting his tears flow.

Mark was woken up by the squeezing door and lights that burned his puffy eyes. Hands massaging his temples, Mark sat up hoping to ease the growing headache when he heard Donghyuck’s worried voice. 

“Mark are you okay?” he asked and Mark couldn’t brush him off with a simple _I’m fine_ because he wasn’t but didn’t know how to explain what had happened. Couldn’t possibly tell him about his father and his hatred, too ashamed, for being his son. Too many thoughts, not enough energy to put them into words, resulted in Mark making a weird sound that sounded a lot like a sob and the tears just streamed down his cheeks again. It took Donghyuck three seconds to get to the bed and draw Mark into a comforting embrace. He didn’t ask again, leaving the questioning for another time and tried to dry Mark’s tears with gentle kisses.

Sun beams tickled Mark’s nose when he opened his eyes to a freshly showered Donghyuck humming a melody he’d never heard before and fixing breakfast for the two of them, for a second Mark thought he’d woken up from a bad nightmare and shook of the Déja Vu. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before freeing his legs from the bedsheets and hugging Donghyuck from behind suddenly craving the physical contact, which both surprised and scared Mark a bit.

“Good morning,” he whispered into Donghyuck’s neck and shamelessly pressed a kiss onto the soft skin. 

Donghyuck complained about burning the eggs but didn’t shake him off, enjoying the moment as much as Mark did. Because he enjoyed it so much, Donghyuck swallowed the questions burning on his tongue and helped Mark set the table. 

By the time Mark finished doing the dishes (he had offered) Donghyuck couldn’t hold it off any longer and sat down at his small table. “You going to tell me what’s up?” he asked carefully.

Mark dried his hands and leaned against the sink. “The dinner didn’t go well,” he slowly started and Donghyuck was determined to give Mark all the time he needed. “They found my guitar and said a few things…” Donghyuck didn’t miss him avoiding his gaze. “I kind of snapped and left.” 

It was a vague answer and Mark knew he wouldn’t be able to hold off the younger’s curiosity for ever with it but it did its job for now and Donghyuck didn’t push.

“Do they know where you are?” he asked. 

“I doubt it.”

Donghyuck sighed and carried his head on his hands. “You can stay with me,” he said, “but you can’t hide from your parents forever. They’ll worry.”

Mark should feel guilty for running away without a word. For worrying his parents, as Donghyuck said, but couldn’t bring himself to care. Instead he took Donghyuck by the hand and pulled him to his feet to kiss his own worries away. “Let’s sort that out later,” he said and Donghyuck was too weak to resist his small eyes and soft lips.

By the second day he spent crashing at Donghyuck’s he felt guilty and bored enough to ask Taeyong how to help around. That’s how he ended up cleaning the cages all by himself while the others were rehearsing. His back was aching by the time he was done and couldn’t stand the hay smell imprinted on his body any longer so he went straight to Donghyuck’s place to get the sweat off his body. 

He froze upon hearing his father’s voice in a heated argument with Taeyong and hid behind the horse stables glancing at the circular empty place.

“I’ll sue you,” his father blurted out in a fit of rage.

Mark feared Taeyong would kick him out when confronted with legal action but was quickly proven wrong. “You’re son is here on his own will,” Taeyong replied his voice calm and composed. “I understand that you’re upset and want your son back, but are you sure threatening me is the way to go?”

He stood too far away, to catch the whispers they exchanged and by the time Mark dared to come out, his father was long gone.

Mark didn’t feel like talking about it and if Donghyuck knew about the unexpected visit, he didn’t let it show. They made it through dinner avoiding all sorts of catastrophise even though Mark had helped to cook. Mark was lying on the bed, too lazy to clean up immediately, while Donghyuck was reading by the table. He looked up when Donghyuck slammed the book shut. 

“We need to talk, Mark” Donghyuck said and Mark sat up. 

“I guess we do,” he agreed.

“You can’t keep avoiding your parents.” Donghyuck took a deep breath. “We’re leaving in a few days; you can’t run forever. You’ll have to face them sooner or later if you want to go back home.”

Mark felt like running again but didn’t because Donghyuck was right. Running away from his problems was a nasty habit he needed to fix, that much he knew. It was just that ignoring them was easier to deal with. 

“And if you don’t want to go back, then you can always stay with us.”

Now that, took Mark by surprise. “You mean join the circus?” 

Donghyuck smile softly. “Yeah, we can always use extra help. Taeyong was quite satisfied with how you cleaned out the stables, too.”

Mark’s brain went haywire at the sight of another door opening. A different path to take. It was too much. “I have to think about it,” he muttered under his breath.

“I figured that much,” Donghyuck joined him on the bed. “But I’d like it very much if you stayed with us and not just because I enjoy kissing you, Mark Lee,” he confessed, a smile curling his lips.

They had their last show later that night. The next few days were spend disassembling the tent, which left Mark with a lot of time to think. He knew he didn’t want the life his parents had planned out for him, no matter how much he loved them. Just thinking of marrying Soyeon made his stomach twist in anxiety, though she was a lovely girl. There in the midst of bars and screws, away from his parents influence and disapproving looks, the decision fell easy.

Donghyuck had made clear, he’d support Mark no matter his final word. Still Mark didn’t miss his shoulders relaxing when he told him he wanted to stay.

Mark had to go home anyway. He couldn’t keep wearing Donghyuck’s sweatshirts for ever and needed to pick up a few things from his room. The day of their departure, Mark made breakfast and kissed Donghyuck quickly, before putting on his shoes. 

“You’ll come back, right?” Donghyuck asked anxiously.

“Of course,” Mark smiled, but failed to reassure him. 

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

  
  


Going back after all these days felt weird and Mark’s stomach kept twisting in all possible directions. His parents shouldn’t be home. There was no need to worry, he’d just pack his things together and leave. He could do that.

Except he couldn’t, because Mark found his mother sitting in the living room staring at one of the pictures they took when he graduated from middle school. Eyes tearing up, she hugged Mark like he’d slip away if she didn’t hold on. Mark couldn’t refuse her request to talk, so he followed her to the couch. 

“Sweetie, I know, you have it hard,” she said, voice filled sadness. The guilt he’d successfully locked away, started breaking out of its cage. 

“I don’t have it hard, mom,” Mark opposes. “You’re asking me to sacrifice my future for the company. I can’t take over the family business. I can’t marry Soyeon, I won’t love her, I won’t be happy.”

She took his hands into her own and looked deep into Mark’s eyes. “You’re right,” his mother agreed. “We’re asking a lot of you, but we’ve also sacrificed many things to get you to where you are.” Her grip around his wrist, strong and firm. “You have responsibilities and one of them is to help us sustain our source of income. We won’t last very long without that marriage.”

_No_, he wanted to scream, _I don’t owe you anything_, but Mark was a coward so he sat quietly as his mother kept reminding him of his duties until he couldn’t bear it anymore. “I’ll be in my room,” he excused himself and climbed the stairs faster than ever. It was only when he was on his bed that Mark allowed himself to take a deep breath and thought back to Donghyuck and the people who had welcomed him, a perfect stranger, with open arms and hadn’t asked a single thing in return. Especially nothing he didn’t want to do. 

Donghyuck was waiting for him and Mark had already broken his promise twice, he couldn’t break it for a third time.

The soft click of keys locking his door only fueled his determination, so he grabbed the first bag he could find and filled it with a few of his favourite clothes, pictures and his savings. He made place for his lyrics filled notebooks before putting it on and opening the window. Mark had never tried to climb out of it, had never been locked in his own room before. He carefully sat on the windowsill and let himself down, slowly but surely. Using the ornaments decorating the house, Mark found his way to the ground. A sharp pain shot through his foot after the miscalculated landing, but the hurt ankle didn’t matter. What mattered was jumping over the woodened fence. 

Mark ran through those streets for the last time, determined to find his own happiness.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't supposed to be a happy ending. When I started writing this fic I had planned for Mark to stay with his parents at the end and Donghyuck leaving the town with the circus, but when I wrote the end I was in... a really bad place and I needed something good to happen. I don't think I would've recovered from a bad ending to Mark's story so I gave him the happiness he wanted even though I'm not sure I'll be as brave as he was. 
> 
> By no means is this an encouragement for you to run away.
> 
> That's not at all the message I wanted to get across with writing this. Yes, parents can be unbearable sometimes. They expect you to act a certain way to view things the way they do and dictate your live sometimes, but try to stand up for yourself. Make them see that your career path is a good way to go. Have them realize that life is not just about marriage and having kids. That there's more to life than a boring 9 to 5. They should accept you as you are, so show them that who you are is a beautiful, wonderful and strong person, and that you'll work on your future and happiness on your own. 
> 
> Have the courage to stand up for yourself and for your dreams.
> 
> I hope I'll find it too one day.
> 
> ***
> 
> Find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/tyspoorhair) xD


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